VKA
Smelly bin lids
FGM
Gooseberrygog jam jars
VKA
Make this no good bunch of kids
FGM
Into stage and screen stars
(Fgm waves wand with big flourish. M.G.T.R. are full of excited anticipation)
VKA
(aside to Fgm)
That's funny. There's usually
A flash and a puff of smoke
FGM
(aside to Vka)
Let's hope this magic spell has worked
And it isn't just a joke.
RONNIE
We're on our way. Let's start now.
TOOTSIE
This is going to be a musical, so we need music.
SONG 2 STARS OF THE SHOW
MILLIE
We need a beat.
(She mimes while band drum / hi hat beat begins)
GARRY
We need a bass.
(He mimes double bass while band bass begins)
RONNIE
We need a keyboard.
(He mimes while band keyboard begins)
TOOTSIE
We need a guitar. (She mimes while band guitar begins.
Band keeps playing to end of this scene)
RONNIE (sings out of time and out of tune)
We'll be the stars of the show.
TOOTSIE
That's rubbish. It should go like this
(she also sings out of time and out of tune)
We'll be the stars of the show.
GARRY
(he also sings out of time and out of tune)
We'll be the stars of the show
MILLIE
(she also sings out of time and out of tune)
We'll be the stars of the show.
FGM
That's lovely dears. I really think that you should take a bow.
VKA
An army of frustrated cats is coming here right now.
(Fgm looks askance at Vka)
FGM
Meditate, contemplate, germinate, grow.
MILLIE
Meditate
RONNIE
Contemplate
TOOTSIE
Germinate
GARRY
Grow
MILLIE
(sings in time and in tune)
We'll be the stars of the show
(looks surprised at herself, others look surprised)
M.G.T.R.
(sing in time and in tune)
We'll be the stars of the show(All pupils look pleased with themselves.
Band introduction to first verse
During song, Fgm and Vka do simple dance, hand jive, etc)
SONG - STARS OF THE SHOW
(JUKEBOX ON PAGE 1 - TRACK 3)
M.G.T.R.
We'll be the stars of the show
We're gonna be so famous wherever we go
We'll be the stars of the show
We'll be on every prime time tv show
TOOTSIE
We'll have servants and flunkies
Security like monkeys
RONNIE
Chauffeurs and gofers
And we can be the loafers
M.G.T.R.
It's coming we feel it
We'll be living like kings
We're gonna be the stars of the show
Oh yeah
We're gonna be the stars of the show
(Between verses M.G.T.R. do suitable choreography)
M.G.T.R.
We'll be the stars of the show
We'll be wanted by an impresario
We'll be the stars of the show
He'll have a juicy contract ho ho ho
MILLIE
They'll be fussing around us
Let luxury surround us
GARRY
We'll haggle my darling
We'll drive the hardest bargain
M.G.T.R.
They'll pay us in cruise ships
We'll all have one each
We're gonna be the stars of the show
Oh yeah
We're gonna be the stars of the show
(Between verses M.G.T.R. do suitable choreography)
M.G.T.R.
We'll be the stars of the show
We'll party on our private yacht until the break of dawn
We'll be the stars of the show
We'll be so very famous, it will be a yawn
GARRY
We'll have agents and lawyers
MILLIE
Van Goghs and Goyas
RONNIE
Rolls Royce and Daimlers
TOOTSIE
An army of retainers
M.G.T.R.
We'll be drinking champagne
Till it comes out of our ears
We're gonna be the stars of the show
TOOTSIE
Oh Darling
M.G.T.R.
We're gonna be the stars of the show
Mwa Mwa
(M.G.T.R. feign kisses)
M.G.T.R.
We're gonna be the stars of the show
MILLIE
Thank you speeches
M.G.T.R.
We're gonna be the stars of the show
GARRY
Mine's an Oscar
M.G.T.R.
We're gonna be the stars of the show
RONNIE
Mines a burger
M.G.T.R.
We're gonna be the stars - - - / of - the - / show - - - /- - - - / - - - - /
- - yeah!
(as the elongated word 'show' is sung, Ronnie and Garry do their greeting routine, Millie and Tootsie do the same.
Close curtains OR blackout)
_____________________________________________________________________
Band quietly plays last song until Vka comes on
ACT 1 SCENE 2 THE AUDITIONS
____________________________________________________________________
(Personal props - Ronnie - placard about auditions
Tootsie - hooter
Mr C - song papers
Millie - clipboard with papers
Garry - music manuscript paper
All cast - song sheets
Vka enters stage right, with a coat over her costume)
VKA
From the wood I had to dash
It's still me though, do you want a flash?
(She flashes open her coat to reveal costume, takes off coat, puts it off stage right)
We're so happy to be free
From that horrible great tree
Stuck in there for all those years
Couldn't go and have some beers
And Fairy godmother, she's ever so sweet
She never complained about my smelly feet.
May I introduce the band
Without a doubt the worst in the land
They have a few drinks
And the music stinks
If you don't keep in the best of order
The only drink you'll get is water.
(anguished cries from band)
My full name is ever so simple
I'm dame Verrouka de la Pimple
My poor late husband was a darling
Except he wanted his very own harem
Oh yes, you down there with the straggly beard
No, not you madam, him sitting next to you with the sticky out ears
Yes you sir. I'm sure you think it's a good idea
For a man to have more than one dame
Mind you…state of her…no one would give you any blame.
(Ronnie enters stage left with placard advertising auditions for school musical.
He calls out)
RONNIE
All welcome to auditions for the school musical. We want singers, dancers, musicians, choreographers, lighting technicians, backdrop lifters, stage hands, stage feet, someone to make the tea
VKA
That is sounding capital
Your list is very practical
Take a bow. Bye for now
(Vka waves goodbye to the audience and exits stage right.
Ronnie joins the scene and M.G.T. stage right.
All cast on stage to be auditioned: Hm and other teachers and pupils, and Currant and Bunn)
MILLIE (carrying clipboard with papers)
Hello everybody. Thank you for coming to the auditions for our musical.
GARRY
We have put our heads together and written the script and you've all got the songs on your sheets. The story is set in a school just like ours. So there are lots of parts for the boys and girls in the school and also the teachers, and you if you like, headmistress.
HM
Eebahgum! Well done boys and girls. You'll do us all proud!
GARRY
Oh…thanks
PLEASE GO TO PAGE 7 - left click on page number above left