HM (to Mr C)
Mr Camp, do you know, I have no idea what your first name is
MR C
Well, I don’t like to mention it weally, in case people get the wong impwession
HM
Oh go on. Your secret is safe with me
MR C
Well, if you insist… my first name is….Holiday
(short spell of music)
CURRANT (working on something, up a stepladder, to Bunn)
Pplease wwill you ppass that hhammer
BUNN
Has the pammer? Which pammer?
CURRANT
That ppammer….errr hhammer
BUNN
Oh. KO (Bunn does so.
Short spell of music)
RONNIE (to Currant)
Bunn seems to get her words mixed up. Has her problem got a name?
CURRANT
Yyes, It’s ccalled sspoonernerismhyperculiaritis
BUNN (pointing to herself)
Stupid
(short spell of music)
MR B (To Hm)
You know, I do like to go to the antique auctions at the village hall
HM
Really. Has anyone put a bid in for you yet
(short spell of music)
TOOTSIE (to Hm)
Headmistress, you know the school is named after St Kevin, well, who was he?
HM
He was a famous rap artist. Kevin Keepitreal was his stage name. After his untimely death they made him a saint because his concerts were always free. Some unkind people said they had to be free because no one would ever pay to hear such rubbish, but I’m sure that wasn’t true.
TOOTSIE
What was he the saint of?
HM
He was the patron saint of chavs
CURRANT
Hhow ddid he ddie?
BUNN
Dow hidie hie?
HM
He died in tragic circumstances. He used to wear lots of bling. He had necklaces, rings, bracelets, earrings, and so on. Well, he decided to do a concert at one of those scrap yards where they crush old cars to the size of a shoe box, and they had this big magnet on a crane. Suddenly, boing, there he was, swinging in the air, stuck to this magnet with all his jewellery. Someone shouted, switch the magnet off! They did. Unfortunately, it was right above the crushing machine.
CURRANT
Oh ddear (Currant gets out handkerchief and dabs her eyes with it and passes it to Bunn)
BUNN
Doe hear (Bunn takes handkerchief, dabs her eyes and blows her nose noisily into it, then passes it to Mr Camp, who daintily declines it.
Music builds for restart of singing)
(JUKEBOX ON PAGE 1 - TRACK 13)
ALL CAST
We don’t need - no major league hydraulics
We don’t need - no actors’ histrionics
We don’t need - to shout and swear and cuss ‘cos
We - got - us --
Were gonna - build a stage
For you and you and me
Were gonna - build a stage
And then how proud we’ll be
Were gonna - build a stage
We’ll do it for ourselves ‘cos
We - got - us ---/
We’re gonna build -- a stage -- for us ---/
Build a stage for us YEAH! (Music stops)
MILLIE
Its getting hot in here. It’s a lovely day. Why don’t we go outside into the school field and carry on work there.
RONNIE
Ok. Let’s pick up the stage
FGM
We’ll meet you out there.
(Fgm and Vka
go off stage right with stools.Curtains close OR blackout
______________________________________________________________________
ACT 1 SCENE 4 SET CONSTRUCTION - THE SCHOOL FIELD
______________________________________________________________________
School field, railings, pillars, archway gates and practical eagle apparently made of stone resting on top of archway.
Pupils pretend to walk with boxes they have been building but stay in same place.
Fgm and Vka enter stage right without stools
Lights up)
TOOTSIE
Maybe if the weather is good we can perform the musical out here.
RONNIE
Yes the railings and pillars would make a good back drop.
MILLIE
Especially against the eagle set in stone above the school gates.
(Fgm and Vka look at her intently)
VKA
Eagle? Set in stone? Where?
MILLIE
There. Above school gates. Isn’t he beautiful.
(Fgm and Vka look round and rush to back of stage and look up at eagle)
FGM (intently)
How long has this eagle been there?
HM
As long as the school has been built. Apparently when they were building it someone found the stone eagle abandoned in the wild wood and they thought it would be a good idea to put it up there.
(Hm then works with others on painting boxes and they are oblivious to next conversation)
FGM (to Ronnie)
Please fetch those steps
(he does so)
Please will you go and take a look
And tell us what you see
(he climbs up steps)
Can you see something written there
Behind his head maybe
(he looks)
RONNIE
Yes. There is something. I can just make it out. It says…..Aramides
FGM AND VKA
Aramides! Aramides!
(They hold hands and dance round in a circle. M.G.T.R. look on in amazement)
MILLIE
Fgm - why are you so happy.
FGM
Remember that I told you of
Our two great golden eagles.
MILLIE
Oh yes. When the Ww became jealous of you, she locked Vka and you in the tree. One of the eagles, Xanthea, escaped and the other, Aramides, she turned into stone.
FGM
Yes! Now we have found Aramides
He is a fraction of his proper size
But it is him, so noble, brave and wise
MILLIE
But why are you so happy. You may have found him but he is still set in stone.
FGM
There is a way we can set him free
Though fraught with danger it may be.
TOOTSIE
How? What needs to be done?
(M.G.T.R. gather round Fgm and Vka)
FGM
The Ww did turn him into stone
But to all spells there is an antidote
And in her secret cave there can be found
A bottle with a silver thread around
VKA
We need to get that bottle here
And mix it in a pot
We charge it with a magic spell
And then we chuck the lot
All over Aramides
FGM
He will become his proper size
And take once more unto the skies.
We need a person very brave
To go into the Ww’s cave
MILLIE
I will volunteer! I will go!
(sound effect of thunder. Lights dim)
TOOTSIE
The weather’s changing. Looks like rain. We’d better go back inside.
(Some cast pretend to pick up boxes and walk with them. Other cast exit.
Curtains close OR blackout
_______________________________________________________________________
ACT 1 SCENE 5 SET CONSTRUCTION - THE SCHOOL HALL - 2
_______________________________________________________________________
Personal props - Tootsie - A frame with notice about rehearsals off stage left.
Fgm, Vka, M.G.T.R. enter stage right.
Lights up)
HM (coming on from stage left)
Millie, I need your help for a moment with the youngsters
(Millie looks anxiously towards Fgm and the others but exits left with Hm. Remainder of chorus also exit)
TOOTSIE (to Fgm)
So what you’re saying is, one of us could volunteer, go to the cave of the wicked witch, fight off terrible dangers, get the bottle of magic potion, bring it back here, be a hero.
FGM
Yes dear
TOOTSIE
Alternatively, the volunteer gets caught by the wicked witch, boiled in oil, dead.
FGM
Yes dear
RONNIE
Well, if that happens, maybe if we ask the wicked witch nicely, she could send us back whatever bits may be left over, like a lock of hair, something we could focus on in our grief.
FGM
Yes dear
TOOTSIE
You’re not taking this seriously
FGM
Whoever goes will be in danger
The wicked witch will harm a stranger.
There is one thing that will shield you.
If you are the first born child
Of another first born child.
RONNIE
The first born child of a first born child has the best protection? I’ve got an older sister
TOOTSIE
So have I
GARRY
I am the oldest child in my family and I know both my parents were the oldest children
FGM
Then you will have the best protection
VKA
What about Millie, she wanted to go?
TOOTSIE
No. She’s got an older brother and an older sister
FGM
Well Garry, it’s time to think and tell us whether
You want to help turn stone to feather
A chance of glory, or an ending gory?
There is no way to foretell the story
RONNIE
Wash your hair before you go will you
GARRY
Not funny!
(Millie enters stage left and sees the other characters talking)
GARRY
Can I think about it and let you know
FGM
Of course you can
(Fgm and Vka exit stage right. Garry and Ronnie move upstage talking together)
MILLIE (to Tootsie)
Why were they talking to Fgm like that?
TOOTSIE
Fgm says Garry can go on the mission
PLEASE GO TO PAGE 11 - left click on page number above left